Thursday, November 05, 2009

There you'll be

When I think back on these times
And the dreams we left behind
I'll be glad 'causeI was blessed to get to have you in my life
When I look back on these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there will always be a place for you for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be
And everywhere I am there you'll be

Well you showed me how it feels
To feel the skyWithin my reach
And I always will remember all the strength you gave to me
Your love made me make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there will always be a place for you for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be
And everywhere I am there you'll be

'Cause I always saw in you my light, my strength
And I want to thank you now for all the ways
You were right there for me you were right there for me
For always

charlyn recorded history @ 10:56 AM

Thursday, October 29, 2009

My bitter sweet affair

Yesterday, my eldest cousin got married. It was quite exciting as he is the first of any of my cousins to ever be married. (only cos most of the rest are not of marrigable age) Anyway, I was telling one of my hall friends about going for my cousin's wedding and he commented that attending weddings are bitter-sweet affairs. I know why its sweet, i mean obviously cos someone found the love of their life and is declaring it to the world with a cert and a ring. I guess its bitter because that someone is not you. So when its your turn, it'd be just totally sweet.

However, I usually just feel that weddings are such sweet events, I don't feel any bitter. I love going to weddings! I feel happy that someone has found their life partner. I just like all that lovey dovey atmosphere and I am generally happy for the couple without feeling bitter.

Anyway, my cousin's wedding was beautiful. It was a fairytale themed wedding and the program and videos were great! My cousin performed some magic to start the night off, before singing a duet with his new wife (which was incredible. didn't know he could sing so well). Other notable programs included my cousin's father and the bride's father singing a song each. Right there. That was my bitter.

My dad ever told me he wanted to sing at my wedding. As my uncle and the bride's father sung, I realised what I will never have and it once again reminded me of what I have lost. From now on, weddings will always be bitter sweet for me. I guess that at every wedding, when the bride is accompanied by her father or her father sings a song, that will be my bitter.

And as I thought deeper, I realised that my own wedding, which I thought would be a really sweet affair is going to be bitter sweet afterall.

charlyn recorded history @ 8:46 PM

Sunday, September 13, 2009

My gravity

Gravity

Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Oh I'll never know what makes this man
With all the love that his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away

Oh Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Oh twice as much aint twice as good
And can't sustain like a one half could
It's wanting more
That's gonna send me to my knees

Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me
And gravity has taken better men than me (Now how can that be?)

Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
Keep you all where the light is
Just keep us where the light is
Ohh.. where the light is!

charlyn recorded history @ 4:14 PM

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

My happy birthday

I love celebrations. I love festivals. And I especially love birthdays.
Birthdays are a little special than all the rest of the celebrations/festivals because they are somewhat exculsively yours. Like its the occasion where people that matter (your family and friends) celebrate YOU. Celebrate that you were born into this earth and celebrate that you are part of their lives. It is also the time where you can celebrate that you have family and friends to celebrate with. This is why I like to throw birthday parties. I like to put everyone I love into one room.

This year, I decided not to have a party. I guess I was just feeling quite down and I forgot about how happy a party would make me feel. So basically I just spent a quiet day with zara, a very nice dinner with my family and wq. Than last saturday, my sailors booked me for the day/night. Blindfolded me at pennisular plaza, made me walk all around I don't know where.. and finally brought me to this rooftop place with a jacuzzi and suprised me with a birthday celebration.

It was wonderful! I really haven't been so suprised before. They told me we were just outside some resturant, BUT actually, they booked the governor's suite at royal park hotel! and the outdoor jacuzzi was the suite's private jacuzzi. It wld have been perfect if the tub wasn't filled with green algae. So we spent the whole day together and played some games in the evening before heading out to club for a while. Even though everyone was quite wasted in their own way at the end of the night, I really had such a blast.

Its times like these that I look at my life and continue to thank God for blessing me with wonderful friends who are like my 2nd family, which makes my life so full of fun and joy.

MY SUPRISE!

Our private algae jacuzzi. I think I was the only 1 who "used" it. >.<

Thank you sailors for this party I will never forget. :)

charlyn recorded history @ 3:28 PM

Friday, September 04, 2009

SIANitaization

I having the longest feeling of sian ever.
Everything just feels so... Sian.
I just don't feel like doing anything, but because I haven't been doing much to begin with, I have a lot to do. That just makes me feel even more sian. Its a vicious cycle.
I should be asleep by now, but I am just feeling so sian that I don't feel like sleeping. Its crazy I know.
Now I'm feeling too sian to blog.
ok bye.

charlyn recorded history @ 12:48 AM

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Hello God, its me Charlene.

Have you ever had that feeling like you needed to talk to someone, so you pick up the phone, but you pause and think... who should I call? You look through your phonebook and you realised that you have quite a few friends, but none of which you actually call and just talk on the phone. In the end, you just chuck your phone aside because you just don't really have anyone to call?

That happened to me just now. I'm the kind of person that hates to trouble people. Talking about my troubles is troubling people. So even though I have friends I can talk to, I don't want to talk to them about my troubles. Its just troublesome and depressing. I can't remember when was the last time I called my friend and told them that something is bothering me.

Its times like these that I really appreciate that God is always there to hear everything that's bothering me. It would be horrid if I didn't have Him to share my burdens with.

charlyn recorded history @ 10:57 PM

Thursday, August 06, 2009

My BBQ

Wei quan is the sweetest boyfriend ever!

Last saturday, I asked WQ if he wanted to meet the next evening. I told him I didn't want to stay at home and suggested we have a BBQ. It was a off the cuff thing so I wasn't really expecting it to happen. Sunday afternoon at 4.30, he calls me and asks if I was serious about the BBQ. I asked him to decide and he said sure!

So at 6.30pm I went over to his house. Apperently he got everything prepared within 1 hour!! When I reached, he was ready to go. We packed and went to the sembawang dam near his house. He set up this make shift BBQ and because of his fab scouts skills, he built a kick ass fire. As I was unpacking the stuff, i realised... we didn't have a thong for the charcol, we didn't have extra plates for the food.... AND here's the best one... we didn't have ANY utensils except a butter knife! Yes, no fork, no spoons, no satay stick! haha.. we ended up using the knife for everything! haha.. it was really funny!

It was such a lovely evening. I had such a wonderful time! He makes me so happy. Jealous not? hehehe...

The hardcore scout building that kick ass fire. He had to keep sprinkling water on it because it was too strong.

Our one and only utensil, the butter knife.

charlyn recorded history @ 10:11 PM

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Dad's 50th Birthday

On the 28th July 1959, a wonderful human being was born. During his short time on earth, he touched the lives of many. No matter the duration of time they knew him, all had only lovely things to say about this gentle, kind and fun-loving man. Oh what an honour and privilege to be his daughter. And what big shoes to fill. I wish I could be half as gentle as he was.

So 2 days ago, 28th July 2009, my dad would have turned 50. Early this year, we were all thinking about what to do for his 50th. Sadly, he wasn't able to postpone his departure to heaven 3 months earlier. So we decided that in true Chua family fashion, we would still throw a party to remember him. The party planning was definately a trying process. There were quite a few arguments and misunderstandings as there were numerous details to take care of for the party.

But over 70 guests and 50 balloons later, everything was worth it. I was so glad we decided to do this. We created a slide show of about 700 pictures of my dad's life. Such wonderful memories. As the guests ate and watched the slide show, I saw smiles on their faces. Many of them got to reconnect with old friends and remember those good ol' days. Some of my dad's old buddies came up to share about the fun times they spent together when they were boys. Laughter filled the room, as stories of their mischief were shared. We sang some songs my dad liked to sing when he was younger. And to wrap up the programme, we played a CD of a song (green, green grass of home) my dad sung this year during karaoke at my uncle's house, which my uncle recorded.

There were some tears, but the song talks about the wonderful feeling of being home. And indeed, my dad is home in heaven.

The lovely venue, chilton park's function room.

50 balloons, 1 represnting every year of his life.

After singing happy birthday, we let the balloons (which we wrote our birthday messages on) soar to heaven.

Happy Birthday Daddy.

"Green Green Grass Of Home"

The old home town looks the same as I step down from the train,
and there to meet me is my Mama and Papa.
Down the road I look and there runs Mary hair of gold and lips like cherries.
It's good to touch the green, green grass of home.
Yes, they'll all come to meet me, arms reaching, smiling sweetly.
It's good to touch the green, green grass of home.

The old house is still standing tho' the paint is cracked and dry,
and there's that old oak tree I used to play on.
Down the lane I walk with my sweet Mary, hair of gold and lips like cherries.
It's good to touch the green, green grass of home.
Yes, they'll all come to meet me, arms reaching, smiling sweetly.
It's good to touch the green, green grass of home.

Then I awake and look around me, at four grey wall surround me
and I realize that I was only dreaming.
For there's a guard and there's a sad old padre - arm in arm we'll walk at daybreak.
Again I touch the green, green grass of home.

Yes, they'll all come to see me in the shade of that old oak treeas they lay me neath the green, green grass of home.

charlyn recorded history @ 9:22 AM

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Mad World

A natural disaster claims many lives. But the disaster itself usually claims less lives than the after effects, which include starvation, lack of water, loss of property, loss of income, health risk, environmental problems, loss of loved ones and a lifetime of haunting memories. It takes numerous years and millions/billions of dollars to rebuilt disaster stricken places.

Everyone knows about the 2004 Tsunami which devastated some of our neighbouring countries. 229,866 people lost, including 186,983 dead and 42,883 missing and 1,126,900 people displaced. Nations all over the world provided over US$7 billion in aid for damaged regions. In 2006, 2 years after the Tsunami, areas in Sri Lanka were still having problems getting drinking water.

In my brother's eulogy, he said "theres a saying that our lives are like waves tossed in the ocean, I think my dad was a tsunami and we are all left in the wake of his devastation." How true.. The damage done is incredible. Our lives are all turned upside down.. Disagreement and unhappiness loom at every corner. This rebuilding is certainly going to take a lot of effort and time. But the recovery... I'm not sure. I think none of us will ever fully recover from this. Its like stitching up a deep cut, there'll always be a scar.

Mad World lyrics
Songwriters: Orzabal, Roland;

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me, what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world, enlarging your world
Mad world

charlyn recorded history @ 8:59 AM

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Happy Father's Day

Dear Daddy,

Happy father's day. Thank you for being my good ol' daddy. You were the best daddy that any girl could ask for. I had such a wonderful time growing up because of you. You always supported me in everything I did. You always brought out the best in me. You always made me feel special.

I remember when I was little, you used to stay up to watch soccer. I would get up in the middle of the night and sit on your lap while you watched. I would fall asleep in your lap. It felt like the safest most comfortable place on earth.

You were always willing to do anything for me. On my 6th birthday, I woke you up at 5am because I was so excited to go to school and celebrate my brithday. Even though school only started at 7am. You still got out of bed and brought me to school anyways. We waited for 1 whole hour just sitting outside my class.

I never had to earn your love. You loved me no matter what and you always showed it. Whenever you scolded me, I always knew that you had my intests at heart and that you did it because you loved me. You would always explain to me what I did wrong and make me understand why you had to be strict with me. When I was in sec 2 and doing really badly in school, you sat me down and we had a long talk. I can't remember what you said to me, but I will never forget the tears you shed because you wanted the best for me and you wanted me to be the best that I could be. I was so touched. I don't think I told you this, but that changed me. From than on, I tried my best all the time.

You always made me feel like you would be there for me no matter what. Whenever I went out, you would ask me if I needed a lift or if I needed you to come pick me up. Every friday night in hall, I would get a call from you and you would say "Ah girl, need daddy to come and pick you up? Never mind how late I will come ok? Just call me."

My first time to zouk, you wanted to come and pick me up even though I told you it would be really really late. But you told me to call you anyways. 3am, you and mummy drove down to zouk to pick me up. I just want to let you know that I appreciate every single thing you ever did for me.

I loved all our car rides together. Just you and me. It was our special father-daughter time. I loved all the stories you used to tell me in the car while driving me to primary school every single day. Those stories about yourself and your experiences were my moral education, my inspiration and my workshop for life. Those stories and all the time I spent in the car talking with you, contributed to making me.. me. :)

You were such a fun dad. You always knew how to make me laugh. You always knew how to have fun. I remember the countless paper ball fights you started while coaching coco on maths. I remember all the random "bullshit" (as you liked to call it) stories you used to tell me. I loved all your jokes. They were always funny. I am really blessed to be around you so often that smiling has become the most common expression on my face.

I wish I could fulfill my promise of taking care of you in your old age. Bringing you and mummy to New Zeland for holiday. Brining you back to Shanghai to walk that narrow rural lane near miao jing road where we would walk, during my 6 weeks there. I would promise anything just to have you for a longer time. Sigh.. Even though our time together wasn't very long, it was fantastic. And I am really thankful for that.

I thank God for blessing me with such a wonderful dad. I thank God that we had such a wonderful relationship. I thank God that I know how much you loved me and that you knew that I loved you too. Even though you won't be here to see me graduate, to see me get my first job, to see me get married, to see my children, I just want you to know that your influence on me will see me through the rest of my life.

I will always love you, daddy. Happy father's day.

charlyn recorded history @ 11:07 PM