charlyn

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Alrighty, the first time i'm bored in a few days. Not that i've been having a super happening life. I got the flu a few days ago. Damn that bug! And now its raining cats n dogs so i can't go home. this is gona be a long post cos i dun think the rain is gona stop anytime soon.
2 days ago, i moved into King Edward IIV hall. The hostel i'll be staying in for the next sem. I got this room by grace. i dun deserve a lot of things i get. but thank God anyways.

So mummy n mei was ard to help me check in and stuff. Same empty feeling when you step into the room. It seems much bigger then Eusoff hall, and the layout is more pleasing to the eye too. haha.. So there's this rag thing that not only each fac has to do, but each hall has to do. they have to build a FLOAT (yea like chingay) and put up some dance performance. KE prolly has like the nicest theme, pirates of the caribbean!! yea! my chance to be a pirate! So i decided that i will join the dance so i can wear the costume. muahaha..

They had some practice that nite so i went down to give it a shot. little did i know they had to audition you. I was the only newbie there. everyone else had attended at least 2 pracs. So the ic pulled me to one side to audition me. she asked me if i had dance background, and no i don't. (but my mum used to dance and my sis is a gymnast so i was thinking...i can't be THAT horrendous rite? muahaha but i guess dancing isn't a gene thing) She showed me a few steps and asked me to follow her. I dun mean to complain, but she really sucks as a teacher, cos she told me theres no beat to the steps and we gotta go with the flow of the music but there was no music avalible at tt time so she just show me and i follow. obviously for someone with no dance background it wld take me a little longer to catch the steps w/out beats, music and real instructions (eg. left foot over right foot...) ok... maybe these are just excuses for what happened next.
After trying to follow the short routine 3 times, she turns to me and ask.
"Do you have any other skills? what was your cca?"
i told her "I was in sailing"
She replied "Oh sailing.........sailors got quite good balance rite?"
cos i tot i knew what was abt to come, so i continued to tell her "Do i suck? cos if i suck you cld tell me i suck. it's ok. haha"
She replied "Oh... no la, hmm... i think i'll find you some other role. maybe some acting role, but still got a bit of dancing. Not everyone can dance this kind of graceful dance la."
and i was like... ohhh ok sure.

If you realised, she went one big round to say i suck when she cld have told me i sucked when i gave her the chance. I dunno. i find the whole thing quite bitchy. But i dun really care what i'm doing, i just wana wear the costume. act/dance whatever. haha.. but she really was quite a bitch la. aiya.. there's still more to what happened but i lazy to type out. anyways, in the end, i'm still not sure what i'm doing. hahahhaa...

I was up the whole night last night. KE had this night cycling thing. it was maddness. cycle from nus all the way to east coast park! that's just crazy! my butt is so sore now. Initially i was quite resistant. i dun like cycling, cos i'm not very good at it, so i know i'll slow everyone down, which btw was what happened. hahaha.. so i was all tired before the thing even started. when we finally left, it was 11pm plus plus. I remember why i dislike these long long walks/rides. cos i'd have nothing better to do than to think of my life. not that i'm not having a good life, but it cld be much much better.
like i realised i'm not exceptionally good at anything. i dun do any sports remotely well, i dun do any performing arts or art's arts well, i do moderately in sch, there's no real skill i have. Everything about me is just so... so-so. and i dun wana be like that. i wana be good at something. i wana be useful.

yea.. so you see... in order to not make myself feel any worse i started to think about what the other ppl cycling were thinking. Aiya, it turned out quite well actually. i made a few interesting friends. haha... ok the rain has just stopped. yeay! i'm going home.

charlyn recorded history @ 2:31 PM

Saturday, July 22, 2006

I had green teeth at the start of the yr (see picture) haha, and now i have normal teeth. So many things has happened this year. I can't even begin to tell you. The charlene at the start of this year would have never, for the life of her even come close to predicting the amount of drama she got during these 7 months. Maybe it's just normal for everyone else, but it's not for me. I learned a lot about myself. I really did, and sad to say i don't think i'm the person i tot i was, cos i really liked the person i tot i was.

I finally read chapter 8 yesterday. the only chapter in the whole book i didn't read cos i really hoped i wouldn't have to. But i read it yesterday cos i tot i should. it's contents were interesting. it did help me sort out what i had to do. i'm determined to follow thru.

charlyn recorded history @ 8:11 PM

Friday, July 21, 2006

I just calculated my new life. Or rather, i just calculated how much of a life i can have.

24hrs per day

8 hrs sleep

5 hrs eat, bath, travel, a little wasting

So actually my really day wld only consist of 11 useful hrs.

in a week, tt wld be 77 hrs.

Let's say each module requires 10 hrs of my time, including lects, tuts, proj, readings.

If i take 5 mods, it would mean i have to spend 50 hrs on my studies PER WEEK.

77hrs - 50hrs = 27 hrs

I go to church every week. Let's say i spend 7 hrs each week on church...

27hrs - 7hrs = 20 hrs

I would only have 20 hrs PER WEEK which is 2.8hrs PER DAY for myself. I don't have time for any other activites! omg... this is super scary. i really have to plan my time super zhun, otherwise everything wld be screwed up cos i wld have to eat into my sleeping time, which wld screw me up cos i need my sleep... now, i'm so used to doing prolly 20hrs of work per week and 50 hrs of slacking, it wld be really difficult to snap into my new lifestyle. I know i have to, but internally i'm resisting it cos it's hardwork, and NO ONE loves hardwork, no matter how hardworking you are, you know you hate it.

charlyn recorded history @ 10:14 PM

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Where in the world did mediacorp find this guy?! He must be the best looking actor since i dunno when. Dun get me wrong, i'm not those crazy idol chasers, but i admire what's worth admiring. haha It's sad that not many guys in singapore are worth admiring. Not that singapore guys are bad la, just that good looking ones dun come by easy, thus they should be given due credit. hahaha...

anyways, this is the 2nd show this guy is acting in. In his first show, he was acting as some Ah Beng who was super sweet, but died in the end, so he didn't get the girl he sacrificed so much for. In this new show, he's a rich boy who's super sweet, and sacrifices a lot for the girl, but I THINK in the end he doesn't get her either. damn sad. hahaha This just goes back to my post on reel life and real life. Nonsense like this happens - Stupid girl rejects tall, exteremly handsome, freakily RICH and superbly sweet guy. Everything is so weird it's like a big joke.

charlyn recorded history @ 5:26 PM

Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but cldn't say it? Have you ever wanted to do something but cldn't do it? Yes of course you have. No one says everything they wana say, and no one does everything they wana do. We're all bound by some kind of circumstance that does not allow us to do whatever the hell we want.

Even simple words have so much meaning, so how can we say what we want without any consideration. Whatever we say can have adverse effects on other people. So how can we go telling what we feel to whoever just to get it off our chest and make ourselves feel better? Would it really make you feel better to know that the other person knows how you feel? Did you think of how the other person might feel after you bared your soul? would the other person feel better too? I used to think that you should let the other person know how you feel, to get it off your chest and make yourself feel better. But does it really make you feel better to know that what you said may be taken negatively by the other party?
So what's the point of saying what you feel when theres no win-win situation. Why not just keep it to urself and let it smoother you to death then trouble someone else? So sadly because i'm a not so selfish (i'm not saying i'm not selfish, cos i am, but i consider other ppl too) person, and i give a shit about how you may feel so i dun say everything i want to say. Even tho i may not be able to breathe cos all these words are choking me, i can't be the source of someone else's trouble.

Just thinking about saying what you wana say has so much considerations. what more doing what you wana do.

charlyn recorded history @ 12:14 PM

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Don't you feel like everything in this world is like waiting for a taxi or a bus? the more you want it, the longer it takes, or it doesn't even come at all? there must be some kinda wrapped theory behind this shit.

For example, i really want a pair of shoes, i go all the way to the shop and they don't have my size. However, when i'm just window shopping, all the other shoes i don't like all have my size. Another example, times when i have a super duper craving for macdonalds, and i just wana eat the fries, the que some how is always really long which totally turns me off. But times when i dun have any cravings for macs, there is practically no que! Pls tell me these things don't only happen to me. hahaha..

Theres something about waiting that everyone hates. It's like a huge crime to make ur customers wait. In service management, we learn that the BIGGEST turn off for customers is waiting. BUT waiting is what EVERYONE has to do. In fact, you can dun eat all day, but you cannot NOT wait. everyone waits everyday. We wait for the toilet, wait for food, wait for time to pass, wait for letters, wait for calls, wait for smses, wait for people, wait for tmr.... everyday is just endless waiting. tho we hate it, we still have to do it. it's just part of living.

charlyn recorded history @ 11:31 AM

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I think everyone more or less has a plan for their lives. Even if they don't have a real plan, they have a dream or they have a small impression of how their lives would be. Though it might not be totally possible or foreseeable.
Like everyone else, i have a "plan" or maybe i should call it a fantasy of how my life should be. I'm not saying i don't like my life now, cos i do and you don't know how grateful i am for everything i have. BUT i still can dream rite? i have a few kinds of "plans" an overall one and small little ones, like plans for bits and pieces of my life, for example ... how my first date would go, or how my wedding wld be like or my uni graduation. stuff like tt. and they all seem to have happy endings. i mean all my mini plans. so of course my overall one ends with me living happily ever after...duh. hahaha.. however, plans never seem to go the way we want to rite?
Like so far, i've planned to pass my PSLE to get back into st nicks. Check the passing, but the st nicks part failed. I planned to do well enough in my Os so i can go to a JC. Check the doing well enough in Os, failed the part in going to JC. I planned to be in the top 10% in poly so i can enter uni. Check the entering uni, failed the top 10%. So you see, the statistics show that usually half my plan works, while the other half just goes wonky.
So even tho one of my latest plans didn't turn out the way i wanted, and it caused a little hiccup in my life, it's juz the way things are rite? cos as usual, half of it worked out. so i should be happy for the half that worked out and screw the half that didn't. sometimes i really hate being positive...i just wana wollow in self-pity for a bit.

charlyn recorded history @ 4:15 PM

I went to town with my sailing friends to watch pirates of the caribbean 2! i just LOVED it! i totally love the way Capt. Jack Sparrow is all abt being free and stuff. How he doesn't seem to have a care in the world. I love it! the show rocks. makes me wana be a pirate too. makes me wana swagger ard, put beads in my hair, wear a funny hat, wear those olden day shirts and sail across the ocean!!

Lots of ppl think that it'd be great if reel life could be real life. i used to be one of them, but now i realise that reel life is similar to real life. things can be really nice and cheery one moment, like sharing a kiss with someone you really wanted to kiss, and the next you're being eaten up by a giant sotong. so i guess what i'm trying to say is life can be great, but it can hits u with nonsense of all kinds.

The pair of shoes i wanted to buy at far east is out of stock. ARGH! they're only getting stock next week or later. damn it! i really wanted that pair of shoes. i really hope they're worth my trouble. i hate unnecessary heartaches.

I love my new dress. it makes me feel happy. It makes me feel carefree cos it's so nice and flowy/airy. i just love walking ard in it. i need that new pair of shoes to match my this dress la. hahaha... i love the dress, it makes me feel like how i want to feel.

charlyn recorded history @ 12:23 AM

Monday, July 17, 2006

omg i can't believe this thing still works, and that i can still rem the password to this thing. hahaha... I've just gotta find something to do to keep me sane, so i'm just typing some random rubbish for some random and not so random people to read. haha.. and hopefully even imporve my writing skills before my QET on friday (yea rite.. in my dreams). so hi everyone, i'm back. it's ok if no one reads this cos i just need to occupy myself before i just grow mad. but actually i do have stuff to do to occupy myself, just that i dun really wana do it, and typing rubbish is much more fun. YEAY (-_-) muahahah... so in a bid to save my sanity, this blog is revived and hopefully it can help revive me. whatever that means. haha.. just sounds kinda poetic. yah rite...

I guess i'm still the same.

charlyn recorded history @ 4:39 PM