Sunday, June 21, 2009

Happy Father's Day

Dear Daddy,

Happy father's day. Thank you for being my good ol' daddy. You were the best daddy that any girl could ask for. I had such a wonderful time growing up because of you. You always supported me in everything I did. You always brought out the best in me. You always made me feel special.

I remember when I was little, you used to stay up to watch soccer. I would get up in the middle of the night and sit on your lap while you watched. I would fall asleep in your lap. It felt like the safest most comfortable place on earth.

You were always willing to do anything for me. On my 6th birthday, I woke you up at 5am because I was so excited to go to school and celebrate my brithday. Even though school only started at 7am. You still got out of bed and brought me to school anyways. We waited for 1 whole hour just sitting outside my class.

I never had to earn your love. You loved me no matter what and you always showed it. Whenever you scolded me, I always knew that you had my intests at heart and that you did it because you loved me. You would always explain to me what I did wrong and make me understand why you had to be strict with me. When I was in sec 2 and doing really badly in school, you sat me down and we had a long talk. I can't remember what you said to me, but I will never forget the tears you shed because you wanted the best for me and you wanted me to be the best that I could be. I was so touched. I don't think I told you this, but that changed me. From than on, I tried my best all the time.

You always made me feel like you would be there for me no matter what. Whenever I went out, you would ask me if I needed a lift or if I needed you to come pick me up. Every friday night in hall, I would get a call from you and you would say "Ah girl, need daddy to come and pick you up? Never mind how late I will come ok? Just call me."

My first time to zouk, you wanted to come and pick me up even though I told you it would be really really late. But you told me to call you anyways. 3am, you and mummy drove down to zouk to pick me up. I just want to let you know that I appreciate every single thing you ever did for me.

I loved all our car rides together. Just you and me. It was our special father-daughter time. I loved all the stories you used to tell me in the car while driving me to primary school every single day. Those stories about yourself and your experiences were my moral education, my inspiration and my workshop for life. Those stories and all the time I spent in the car talking with you, contributed to making me.. me. :)

You were such a fun dad. You always knew how to make me laugh. You always knew how to have fun. I remember the countless paper ball fights you started while coaching coco on maths. I remember all the random "bullshit" (as you liked to call it) stories you used to tell me. I loved all your jokes. They were always funny. I am really blessed to be around you so often that smiling has become the most common expression on my face.

I wish I could fulfill my promise of taking care of you in your old age. Bringing you and mummy to New Zeland for holiday. Brining you back to Shanghai to walk that narrow rural lane near miao jing road where we would walk, during my 6 weeks there. I would promise anything just to have you for a longer time. Sigh.. Even though our time together wasn't very long, it was fantastic. And I am really thankful for that.

I thank God for blessing me with such a wonderful dad. I thank God that we had such a wonderful relationship. I thank God that I know how much you loved me and that you knew that I loved you too. Even though you won't be here to see me graduate, to see me get my first job, to see me get married, to see my children, I just want you to know that your influence on me will see me through the rest of my life.

I will always love you, daddy. Happy father's day.

charlyn recorded history @ 11:07 PM

Thursday, June 18, 2009

My dad is a saint

I just read this letter my dad's friend wrote to my mother. It makes me feel so proud that my dad was such a good man. I'm so proud to be his daughter.
This is the letter. I shall not reveal the writer's name.

Dear Michelle ,

It took me a long time to finally get down to pen this e-mail.
There are just so many thoughts that floated around in my mind that found no logical avenue of expression. The profound pain, loss, shock, love, hopes, fears and all forms of emotions colliding within me these past weeks created havoc in the deepest recesses of my mortal soul. As I am writing this, I am not able to stop the tears that welled up without warning....they flow freely beyond my control notwithstanding my resolve to stop........even before I can complete these words. I cannot start to imagine the time that you and your family are going through in this time. Somehow, I hope that this e-mail will bring some comfort in some way with the knowledge that your grief is shared.

More than once, the memories brought tears to my eyes, as I recounted the experiences I went through with Ronald.
Not that it was sad or painful.....it was simply the thought that he is now no longer with us.
My memories also jolted me to laugh aloud many a times.....the funny times and the jokes we shared.

I owe it to Ronald that I have to share these things with you, his beloved wife and lovely children.

I was 24 years old, just married for 6 months. Jobless, unsure, fearful and extremely vulnerable.
I was just struggling to get back on my feet after a battle with depression for 1 and a half years.It was the toughest time of my life to date. Friends (I thought they were.) maligned me. Sinister rumors were spread about about my character and doubts casted about my integrity. I lost total faith in people and eventually myself. My days were spent in slumber. For 16 - 18 hours a day, i was sleeping, waking up to cry myself to sleep again. The routine of waking up only to meet my then girlfriend(now wife) and shared a packet of rice before she leaves and me back to my lonely depressed state of desperation and tears.

One day, I finally decided that enough was enough. I turn the newspaper and decided to look for a job in the automotive industry. Cycle and Carriage was employing a sale coordinator. I went immediately for the walk in interview. After the first interview, i was sent to the parts department to meet Ronald Chua - Manager-Parts Sales. I turned up a few minutes earlier prior to the appointment at 1.30pm. I sat there and waited until 2.20pm. Ronald strolled in from lunch and asked what I was doing there. I replied that I came for the interview. He told me that the interview was over and closed. They have already selected the candidate. He being the nice guy as always, decided that we should just have a chat since i was already there......So we chatted.....somehow, Ronald decided to employ me instead of the previous chosen candidate. So, my time with Ronald begins.

It was such a privilege to work with Ronald. He was cool and collected most of the time. Nothing bad that happens seems to be able to bring him down or dampen his spirits. He always finds purpose and meaning in doing what he does.This special skill of his - chewing the meat and spitting out the bones is characteristic of his innards ability to always see the good in people and situation instead of majoring in the bad and ugly. Ronald always try to make the best out of each situation. Because of this, he tends to bring out the best in the people around him. Always obliging and always willing to play the peace maker role - "Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God."
Ronald was my mentor. We would meet up once in a while and both of us could freely share our views, opinions and hopes and challenges together. In our automotive industry, it is often a tough, unfeeling and realistic jungle. Trust does not come by easily and it is in this environment that Ronald flourished, and I learnt many things from him.Ronald made many friends despite the type of self-protecting environment that we work in. This was never easy...however, our Ronald managed the impossible with his sincerity that earned him many friends. He reached out sincerely and kept all his friendships with great integrity.
His belief that people are basically the same everywhere is a testimony with his success in China. His colleagues in China are full of praises for him. They would go to great length in their friendship with him. Such was the quality of his character that even the well-known unfeeling Chinese that even fluke our minister mentor took their hats off to this man.

Ronald always tries to speak the truth. This was not always easy, but I admire the depth of his character in being able to speak the truth seasoned with grace and love. He has the ability to make truth acceptable to man. This makes him special.

Ronald was never selfish and also wiling to share.............be it food or knowledge. Conversations with him will always be remembered to be peppered with his own personal experiences with customers, friends and his own family. He spoke with sincerity and genuine love for the experiences he went through and the ones he held dear to his heart. Ronald was never bashful about his deep love and concern for his family. He would name each of his children to everyone he knows.Therefore, do not be surprised when you all find out that almost everyone in the automotive industry knows you all by name....hahaha.

Ronald never really tell anyone out rightly that he was a Christian. (now he is a saint!) In his own opinion, he felt that he was not a good Christian and was always trying to be better. However, from what I saw of his life.......it was totally different.

Someone once said that it was easy being a christian in a church....because everyone is nice and outwardly acted nicely to each other. However, it is totally a different thing to be a christian in the secular world. In this sense, Ronald brought christianity to the people around him without saying it. He lived it. Ronald poured his life into the people around him. Ronald in his own way fulfilled the purpose of God for his life.

There are many instructors but few fathers.....Ronald had the heart of a father.
"And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse"This is found in the book of Malachi chapter 4:6-this is the prophecy of Malachi about the soon coming of Christ. This is one of the things that Malachi predicted will come to pass when "Elijah" the prophet(Whether in spirit of in flesh) comes and accomplish in the last days before the return of Christ.

Ronald has certainly in his days fulfilled his purpose, by being a father to many. He has in his own ways showed many the true face of christianity in the secular world and in his own special way stood as a witness for christ.
As far as I am concerned, he is much more of a christian than a lot of pious people I met in churches. I often think about what life is all about. I would like to think that God made us for a purpose.....and that purpose is for us all to make a difference in this world that we live in.

In the case of Ronald, he has made a great difference in this world. He has affected all the people around him. He has demonstrated Christ to many. For all that it is worth, he has forever and permanently affected me to be better.(as all humans are, I am full of weakness and flaws)Ronald has made a difference in my life.

This is certainly not the end, but the beginning of us carrying forth what Ronald has deposited in our lives to multiply that in many others that comes after us.It was my pleasure to have served with Ronald........my brother in arms for Christ.

I hope that we can all take heart and comfort in the goodness of our God and rest in the protection of Christ's salvation and be fully enveloped in the grace and mercy of our beloved Holy Spirit.
May God bless and keep you all.

Always in His Love,
______________

charlyn recorded history @ 11:21 PM

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

You called me to Your purpose

Its been a long time since I last blogged. I don't know why it is so difficult to blog. I've written countless entries half-way and just deleted the whole thing. I want to write about what happened. But than I feel like if I do, it'd seem like just another event, but its not. On the other hand, if i don't write about it and just continue to write about the other stuff that happened in my life, like my internship, my sydney trip and church camp, it would seem as if nothing happened at all which is so untrue. Its the biggest thing that has happened in my life. In fact I think that its prolly one of the biggest thing that will ever happen in my life.

I keep thinking my life is going to be so different and all.. but you know, life seems kind of back to normal. In fact after 3 weeks, it seemed like everything was back to normal. Time didn't stand still anymore. The phrase "life will go on" is so true. It feels like years have gone by, but it hasn't even been 2 months yet. I wish I could describe how I feel but its so difficult cos its a mash of feelings..

I've been telling everyone who asks me if i'm ok that i am ok. This happens so often that i wonder if theres an alternative answer. But in them asking me if i'm ok, it just means that theres a possibility that I may not be ok. Sometimes I really don't want to be ok and I don't want to be so together. I just want to be alone and lie in bed all day and not do anything. But how can I ? The responsibility that I have been trying to escape for the longest time has caught up with me. I must stop trying to resist this. God gave me wings so I can shelter my family. I know its not going to be easy at all but I just have to trust God and just put my life in His hands, afterall I belong to Him.

I Will Run To You
Your eye is on the sparrow
And Your hand, it confoms me
From the ends of the earth
To he depths of my heart
Let You mercy and strength be seen

You call me to Your purpose
As angels understand
For Your glory
May you draw all men
As Your love and grace demands

And I will run to You
To Your words of truth
Not by might, not by power
But by the Spirit Of God
Yes, I will run the race
'Til I see Your Face
Oh, let me live in the glory of Your Grace

This song is really so meaningful and comforting. God who takes care of the sparrows will take care of me.
I can run to Him any time. It is so true that I will never be able to handle all this by myself. not by might, not by power but by the Spirit of God.
He called me to His purpose. I truly believe that nothing happens by chance. My family was chosen for all this to happen to us. Although I am not sure why, I know God has His reasons and it will be revealed to us in due time.
I will run the race till I see Your face. Life is so fragile. Its not difficult to die. In fact it may be the easiest thing. Life is so unpredictable. Can we ever be certain when our last breathe is? Life is so precious. We only live it once. Everyday is a gift from God and I should live it everyday knowing that it does not belong to me and that it is not my prerogative but a privilege that God chose to bless me with.

charlyn recorded history @ 11:13 PM